Since my recent posting on Separation Mediation, I’ve been asked for more information.

Typically, one party takes the initiative to introduce the concept of mediation and its advantages. It is advisable to suggest the process, rather than a specific mediator. While mediators are neutral, some might say suggesting one is an attempt to control the process.

Most Divorce Mediation is face-to-face, but in no way is that required. If one party feels intimated by the other, the mediator could conduct the session as a go-between, moving from one participant to the other. The mediation can also be conducted telephonically or online.

Divorce Mediation provides the opportunity to negotiate a settlement on all the issues that must be settled, including financial, social, emotional, and personal ones, such as what to say to co-workers and families.

The information I recommend gathering before the mediation includes:

• Background Information: Birth date and occupation; time living together; length of marriage; and start of living separately.

• Real Estate: Deeds, mortgages, tax information, and home appraisal, if available.

• Tax Returns: Past three years, if possible.

• Vehicles: Registrations, loan information, and Blue Book values.

• Bank and Credit Card Statements: Most recent one or past two years.

• Nonmonetary Accounts: Frequent flyer miles, for example.

• Insurance Policies/Investment Records/Retirement and Pension Funds: Current value.

• Loans: Current amounts due.

• Businesses Owned: Total worth.

• Estate Planning Documents: Wills, trusts, prepaid funeral arrangements.

• Personal Property: Antiques and collectibles.

And don’t forget the pets!

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.

In my last article I recommended mediation for couples who are experiencing conflicts in their relationship but regardless, wish to remain together.

In this posting, I’ll make a few observations regarding couples who decide to separate.

Divorce laws vary by state. Before you make any decisions, first review the “Divorce Basics” section for your state on www.divorcenet.com. Also check your state’s local court website for information on divorce laws, forms, and references. If your state offers court sponsored mediation, you should find information there about that as well. In addition, you will want to consult with a divorce attorney who supports “mediation and collaborative divorce” who can explain your state’s laws in more detail.

That said, the basic process across state lines is the same. If you have a legally recognized marriage, one spouse begins the process by filing a complaint or petition requesting the divorce. Typically one or both parties must either appear in court or submit an affidavit or sworn statement assuring the court the marriage is over.

A decision reflecting your agreement is approved as a formal judgment or decree by the court, sometimes in two judgments, first a temporary (or interlocutory) judgment, followed by a final one. If the divorce is contested, it can take months or years before completed and cost thousands of dollars.

If both parties have made the decision to separate and accept the relationship is over, but need help in doing so on their own, mediation is an option to keep the divorce simple and uncontested.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.