Most people make inaccurate assumptions about conflict that result in having difficulty facing it.

Three such assumptions are:

1.) Conflicts are just problems with communication. And if parties could better understand one another, they wouldn’t disagree as much. In truth, clearer communication may actually contribute to confirming the conflict is real and trying to blame a lack of it doesn’t help to resolve the issues.

2.) Conflicts should be avoided because they destroy relationships. This faulty viewpoint reveals a basic unwillingness to accept that disagreements are inevitable. In fact, many believe intense arguments occur in the most meaningful relationships and dealing with them demonstrates how important the commitment is and can strengthen the bond.

3.) Compromise is the best way to deal with conflicts. Finding middle ground is one way to address clashes, but not necessarily the best. When individuals rush to make certain concessions, they lose the opportunity to develop creative solutions that benefit both parties.

Managing conflicts productively first requires dropping these and other misguided assumptions.

Some individuals attempt hardball negotiating tactics during mediation, but they can easily be deflected.

Five common ones are:

• Boulwarism – Boulwarism is to present a best and final offer as in, “take it or leave it.” If the offer is better than your alternative, take it. If not, offer to negotiate or be ready to accept no agreement.

• Extreme Demands (Highball/Lowball Offers) – An extreme demand is one that you know is out of line. If you accept it as reasonable, you’ve allowed the party to establish that as the legitimate beginning point. You can counter with your own extreme demand, but a better approach is simply not to accept the demand as reasonable. Instead, you can say, “You know that’s an extreme demand. I can’t negotiate with you based on that. Come back with something that will work for both of us.”

• Emotional Intimidation – Some parties will fake emotions of anger or guilt. Don’t feel pressured by emotional display. Suggest a recess and then restate the issues and ask them to explain their concerns.

• Snow Job – A snow job is an attempt to overwhelm you with talk and information to create an advantage. The best response is to ignore much of the “snow” by providing a summary of their major points that you feel comfortable responding to.

• Deadline Pressure – Sometimes one party attempts to impose a real or fictional deadline to force an agreement. Never accept a deadline until you know it is real. (Think of ads that say, “sale positively ends Friday,” but only to see the same price next month.) Compare their offer to your alternative. Remember, you can postpone the negotiation until another time.

I discuss these and other negotiation tactics in my new book “Negotiation and Mediation,” available now.