I want to thank those who responded favorably to my new book “How to Survive a Mediation.”

Some requested an excerpt, so what follows is a short segment on how disputants should relay their story:

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At a minimum, you must describe the problem, a chronology of events, and the role each party played.

Leave out the why, as that can only be your guess as to what motivated the other party. Any statements you make describing the other party’s motives are not likely to move the process forward. Describe behaviors, not your assumptions as to other’s reasons. (Don’t say, “Our stepmom doesn’t want our dad to stop driving because she doesn’t want to drive.” It’s better to say, “Our stepmom hasn’t taken away our dad’s keys.”)

Briefly reference the physical evidence (photographs, documents, etc.) as you should have already shared these with the other partyFor example, “I spoke with our dad’s doctor, and he recommends that dad not drive anymore.”

It’s also appropriate to show how you have been reasonable, fair, or morally blameless. For example, “My brother and I have spoken with our dad privately about our feelings about our mom’s death and don’t want him to cause another family the same tragedy we experienced.”

It’s also appropriate to make preemptive statements; that is, you can address a statement you know the other party will make. For example, “I know our dad believes he’s a safe driver, but their neighbor told us that she’s seen our dad fall getting out of the car.”

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“How to Survive a Mediation” is available wherever books are sold.

As a seasoned mediator I’ve seen how successful mediation can be for participants who understand the process. That’s because many people have no idea what mediation is.

A former student did a survey in grocery stores as customers waited to checkout. She simply asked if they heard of mediation and what it is. Most had no idea, some had heard of child custody mediation, and some even said something like “It’s when you close you eyes and try not to think.”

For years I’ve wanted to prepare a guidebook for those going into mediation and finally put one together. I’m pleased to announce my new book HOW TO SURVIVE A MEDIATION is available now!.

I first outline the steps of the mediation process in general from the perspective of the participant and then describe specifics in more detail. In addition to child custody and visitation and Small Claims Court disputes, I also describe couple mediation, parent-teen, elder and probate, neighbor-neighbor, workplace, major case, peer mediation in schools, and victim-offender mediations.

As mediator Richard Lutringer has said of the book, “If parties are to exercise self-determination, how can they be expected to make informed choices, as to both process and substance on the basis of a brief mediator’s introduction at the very moment they are facing an unknown and often highly emotional challenge?”

I hope to have addressed that problem with this accessible book and invite all to take a look:

On the publisher's website.

On Amazon.