Whether it is a family, neighbor-to-neighbor, or international dispute, certain conditions for a peace agreement are necessary, such as the following:

1.) All parties of the dispute must be involved. The greatest risk for peace comes from those who feel they were left out of discussions and become spoilers, undermining any agreement.

2.) All parties must be committed to not engaging in any aggressive force, to negotiating in good faith, and to take as much time as necessary to reach a resolution.

3.) Parties must understand and acknowledge each other’s issues and concerns.

4.) The underlying causes of the conflict must be addressed to avoid future arguments.

5.) The parties must be able to identify and built creative outcomes.

6.) The final written agreement must address all the issues in detail. All too often I see parties reach a verbal agreement, but later discover they each had different understandings of what that agreement actually entailed.

7. ) Finally, no agreement is possible until all parties conclude unconditional “winning” is not possible and that continued deadlock is “painful.” Mediators refer to this as “ripeness,” but if parties don’t take advantage of the moment, conflict can escalate to nonproductive behaviors.

——————————————————————————————————————-

Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.

Conflict may not stop after separation and if there are children involved, that is a problem.

As mediator Wendy Morgan has written “Children don’t suffer primarily from their parents separating. They suffer from conflict between their parents.” And a decade of research by Dr. Joan B. Kelly showed that ongoing parental conflict after separation produces elevated rates of anxiety, depression, academic difficulty, and behavioral problems in children.

The parents could resort to custody litigation, which can take a year or more, cost $20,000 to $50,000, is not confidential, and is limited to legal remedies.

Practices vary state by state. Parents might be able to return to court offered mediation, but all parents can utilize a private family mediator. Such a mediator can help parents deal with their issues based on shared goals that their child feels loved by both parents and free from open hostility.

As with other forms of mediation, the process can be completed in a matter of weeks, cost a fraction of litigation, be confidential, and result in creative agreements tailored to the needs of the children and the parents.

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.