It is estimated that less than 50% of children in the U.S. reach adulthood with both their parents in the home.

Separation and the resulting issue of child custody/visitation has become a form of mediation many will experience.

The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, which was approved in 1970, determined that the standard for custody decisions should be the made in a “child’s best interest.” Nearly all states recognize the concept of physical custody, which refers to living arrangements after parents divorce, and legal custody, referring to decisions regarding a child’s health and welfare. Each of these may be sole or joint.

Decisions about custody range from informal agreements reached privately by parents to formal judicial determination following a trial. One of those methods is Child Custody Mediation.

Perhaps in no other form of mediation will the process vary more depending on what state it is held. In most, court-sponsored mediation is offered for custody and visitation. In some, it is mandated by law. Some courts provide the option at no charge while others charge a fee. There are also ones that provide referrals to mediators who provide such services at a reduced-fee. It is also possible in a few states to use a private mediator not affiliated with the court.

I’m often asked how one should prepare for a child custody and visitation mediation. I usually recommend “Keeping your cool and avoid losing your temper because it’s about your child—not about you.” Given more time, I talk about co-parenting and remind them that “Co-parents don’t have to like each other, but they have to work together for the good of their child/children, and that can either be a positive experience or a negative one for all. It’s up to you to determine.”

And then I suggest giving advance thought to what co-parenting would include, such as:

• Who will make decisions about the child’s welfare - Is legal custody to be sole or joint?

• Where will the child live - Is physical custody to be sole or shared?

• Plan for issues that might arise with physical custody, such as school vacations, holidays, special days (Birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s Day), religious and sports activities, and transportation for getting to and from these consistent events.

• If supervised visitations - Where and in whose presence?

• General guidelines, including access to extended family members, shared access to school and medical records, notifications of schedule changes, telephone contact, medical emergencies/contacts, discipline style, relocation, introduction by parents of new partners, counseling or parenting classes, and any other issue important to either parent that will impact their child’s life.

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Fred Jandt is the author of How to Survive a Mediation available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.

Every relationship will experience conflict.

If the parties want help in dealing with their dispute, and desire to repair their relationship, they might consider counseling or mediation.

Couple counseling or couple therapy employs psychotherapy to help with relationship dysfunction and establish new behavior patterns to improve their daily lives. Therapy is an extended process that tends to go into the history of the relationship.

In contrast, mediation helps couples deal with specific issues. In one or a few sessions, relationship mediation helps the parties define problems, discuss workable options, and make decisions about the future, which may be separation, divorce, or may be a revision and renewal of their relationship. Mediators do not focus on the past, but focus on the future.

Mediators who specialize in relationship mediation will most likely identify themselves as Marital Mediators. Others who do relationship mediation may identify themselves as Family Mediators. Relationship Mediators are not judges or arbitrators who will impose a decision on the parties. They are trained to be impartial and non-confrontational, to build trust, and to maintain confidentiality.

Typically, one party takes the initiative to suggest mediation and its advantages. Once contacted, the mediator will first speak with both parties to determine their willingness to participate. No party can be forced to do so.

Fred’s most recent book, “How to Survive a Mediation,” is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and wherever books are sold.