The group Everytown for Gun Safety issued a report that more than 500 people had been injured or killed in road rage shootings last year.

 Road rage includes much more than shootings. According to the American Automobile Association Foundation for Traffic Safety’s 2019 data, nearly 80% of drivers expressed significant aggression or road rage at least once in a thirty-day period. Road rage actions include purposely tailgating, yelling at another driver, honking to show anger, making an angry gesture, blocking another vehicle from changing lanes, cutting off another vehicle on purpose, getting out of the vehicle to confront another driver, and bumping or ramming another vehicle on purpose.

 Those of us who study conflict point out that road rage, or sky rage and sideline rage for that matter, is not the same as other forms of conflict, as these result from one party’s need to release tension. The actor has no relationship with the receiving party who could be any other person. The action is an end in itself, a response to frustrations in which the receiving party is simply unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The receiving party could easily be any other person as there is no relationship between the parties. That’s why road rage is referred to as non-realistic conflict.

 Usually non-realistic conflicts cannot be dealt with negotiation or mediation. The AAA guidelines for dealing with road rage take this into account:

•      Be tolerant and forgiving – remember it is not personal against you, the offender could just be having a really bad day.

•      Avoid eye contact with the angry driver and avoid making any gestures.

•      Don’t respond to aggression with aggression risking escalation.

•    Stay as calm and courteous as possible.

•    If the rage escalates, lock your vehicle, use your horn to attract attention, and call 911.

 The bottom line is that responding with aggression can easily lead to an unpleasant and dangerous incident that can likely be avoided if cooler heads prevail.

I recently opened Facebook and found a message from a student from 25 years ago. It was a pleasure to read how he had appreciated our class in Conflict and Communication and that he remembered my quote “The relationship is more important than the conflict.”

That caused me to reflect on some popular myths about conflict I’ve shared with students over the years:

1.) Harmony is normal; conflict is abnormal.

In reality, conflict is inevitable and conflicts in relationships are as normal as harmony. Simply put, since we live and work with other people, conflict is inevitable. 

2.) Conflicts are communication breakdowns. If people communicated better there would be no conflicts.

I hear this so often. In response I ask people to consider that at least some times with more communication it becomes increasingly clear that the conflict is very real indeed. 

3.) Conflict destroys relationships.

In reality it is unresolved conflicts that destroys relationships. And conflicts that are confronted by both parties to work toward a resolution can, in fact, strengthen the relationship.

4.) The best way to resolve conflicts is to simply compromise.

Compromise is one way to resolve conflicts, but there are productive ways which do require more effort. I’ve taught “Win-Win” collaboration as the optimum way to resolve conflicts so that all parties win. 

And, yes, I still believe and teach that the relationship is more important than the conflict.