THE MOST COMMON MEDIATION

It is estimated that less than 50% of children in the U.S. reach adulthood with both their parents in the home.

Separation and the resulting issue of child custody/visitation has become a form of mediation many will experience.

The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, which was approved in 1970, determined that the standard for custody decisions should be the made in a “child’s best interest.” Nearly all states recognize the concept of physical custody, which refers to living arrangements after parents divorce, and legal custody, referring to decisions regarding a child’s health and welfare. Each of these may be sole or joint.

Decisions about custody range from informal agreements reached privately by parents to formal judicial determination following a trial. One of those methods is Child Custody Mediation.

Perhaps in no other form of mediation will the process vary more depending on what state it is held. In most, court-sponsored mediation is offered for custody and visitation. In some, it is mandated by law. Some courts provide the option at no charge while others charge a fee. There are also ones that provide referrals to mediators who provide such services at a reduced-fee. It is also possible in a few states to use a private mediator not affiliated with the court.

I’m often asked how one should prepare for a child custody and visitation mediation. I usually recommend “Keeping your cool and avoid losing your temper because it’s about your child—not about you.” Given more time, I talk about co-parenting and remind them that “Co-parents don’t have to like each other, but they have to work together for the good of their child/children, and that can either be a positive experience or a negative one for all. It’s up to you to determine.”

And then I suggest giving advance thought to what co-parenting would include, such as:

• Who will make decisions about the child’s welfare - Is legal custody to be sole or joint?

• Where will the child live - Is physical custody to be sole or shared?

• Plan for issues that might arise with physical custody, such as school vacations, holidays, special days (Birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s Day), religious and sports activities, and transportation for getting to and from these consistent events.

• If supervised visitations - Where and in whose presence?

• General guidelines, including access to extended family members, shared access to school and medical records, notifications of schedule changes, telephone contact, medical emergencies/contacts, discipline style, relocation, introduction by parents of new partners, counseling or parenting classes, and any other issue important to either parent that will impact their child’s life.

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Fred Jandt is the author of How to Survive a Mediation available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.