The role of attorneys during mediations has been misunderstood.

If you’re wondering if you need a lawyer present during a session, I suggest considering the following:

First, there’s the fee of an attorney relative to the financial outcome of a potentially bad mediation agreement. Two neighbors disagreeing about the investment of a shared fence probably doesn’t hiring an attorney. Howevewr, those in mediation arguing about aspects of a family-owned business probably does.

Second, consider how to effectively use an attorney. For example, before a mediation begins a consultation with an attorney can be helpful in determining one’s possible liability and outcomes of a court case. This information can be quite useful in establishing an objective and negotiation strategy in a session.

If you are going to be accompanied by an attorney you should inform the mediator in advance. They will probably ask that you speak for yourself. Mediators do not provide legal advice, but you can ask for a private meeting to confer with your attorney at any time.

Attorneys can be most useful in drafting any memorandum of agreement or required legal documents. Even if you did not have an attorney accompany you in the mediation, you can ask for time to consult with an attorney before signing any papers so legal and tax implications are clearly understood.

As a mediator I find the presence of attorneys help the process. In fact, the most common request I receive from most beforehand is to help the parties settle, since mediation is usually preferred to litigation.

I’m asked why it’s said that conflict in relationships is a good thing. I have found the people who usually ask that question also claim they never argue.

The answer, however, is not so simple, as it depends on the relationship.

Volatile relationships are emotionally expressive. There’s disagreements and arguments, but tend to be even more expressive when reconciling with affection and confirmation. In these relationships, conflict is positive as it communicates the partner’s investment in, and concern for, the relationship.

Validating relationships are mindful of the timing of conflict and only bring up issues when important and work together for mutually agreeable solutions.

Conflict avoiding relationships use compromise and agree to disagree to find ways to minimize clashes.

Hostile relationships use personal attacks and experience frequent negative interactions that are severe in intensity.

Conflict comes with relationships we care about. It’s really about, then, how we handle strife.