The end of the calendar year is an appropriate time to evaluate our beliefs and practices. It’s also an opportunity to consider our strained relationships and to utilize the skills of mediation to repair them.

One ancient practice illustrates the heart of mediation that is suitable to that effort. Several South Pacific islands including Hawaii, Samoa, and Tahiti have forgiveness practices. In Hawaii, the traditional ritual of restoration of good relationships among family members is known as ho’oponopono (not be confused with a New Age practice by the same name).

Traditionally, ho’oponopono was a family conference led by a respected senior member to restore harmonious relationships through a process that included prayer, a statement of the program, discussion, confession of responsibility or wrongdoing, determination of restitution when necessary, mutual forgiveness, and a formal release of the problem before a closing prayer and a shared meal. In the process, those involved reaffirm the spiritual and emotional ties of the family.

Conflict is perceived as an entanglement or blocked pathway in one’s system of obligations. A key to ho’oponopono is the recognition of the reciprocity of mutual duties everyone in the family have. Members are expected to cooperatively work through problems. Periods of silence are taken to reflect on the complexity of emotions and challenges.

Mediation skills that help restore our damaged relationships is certainly a positive way to begin a new year.

The end of the calendar year brings office parties, family gatherings and more, all of which can rign-in moments that include awkward confrontations.

I’d like to share some tips for dealing with such conflicts:

First and foremost, set and keep your objective in mind. Most likely your intention is to have a pleasant time with friends and family during holiday gatherings. With this in mind, it’s completely acceptable to simply avoid unpleasant exchanges that might happen while conversing. Instead, let it go and even walk away if necessary.

But what if someone is publicly stating things you believe to be inaccurate or expressing opinions you strongly disagree with. To be true to yourself, it’s completely fine to say something like “I disagree, but now’s not the time to get into it. Let’s move on.”

Other people may feel more comfortable with a response that acknowledges the remark but doesn’t express disagreement at the time. Something like, “I can tell that’s really important to you.” Such a comment can often be enough to avoid difficult disussions from escalating.

Overall, you can’t stop a co-worker or relative from being problematic, but you can control the way you choose to respond. Remember, most get togethers are only for a few hours and there are more important things to care about.

So, take a deep breath, be tolerant and most of all be grateful this holiday.