I’m often asked if family mediation is the same thing as family counseling. 

A Pew Research Center survey in 2010 revealed that 76% of adults in the United States agree that family is the “single most important element in their lives.” It should be no surprise, then, that everyone at some time or another experiences conflict with family members.

The U.S. Census Bureau uses the definition of family as two or more people living together related by birth, marriage or adoption. A more useful definition of family may be from a 1981 White House Conference on Aging—"system of related and unrelated individuals integrated by pattern of social relationship and mutual help.” The communication scholars Dawn Braithwaite and Rebecca DiVerniero use the term “intentional family” to describe individuals who are unrelated biologically or legally, but who share a commitment to each other, live together and consider themselves to be a family.

Because family relationships are so important to us, the conflicts there can be most intense. When we have little investment in a relationship, it is easy to avoid conflicts. We can avoid the other person or avoid dealing with the issue. It is when the relationship is important to us that we feel we should confront issues. In fact, it is recognized that the more intimate the relationship, the more intense the conflict.

So, when people seek help with conflicts in their family, do they go to family counselors or family mediators? Mediation and counseling may “look” the same—two people meeting in a private room with a trained professional, however they are actually quite different. Counseling is focused on the relationship; mediation is focused on resolving a particular conflict or disagreement.

Because of these different objectives, mediation and counseling differ in these ways:

Process: While mediation styles do differ, generally, mediation takes the parties through steps to guide the them to a resolution; Counseling may be unstructured and can take much longer.

Resolution: Mediation works toward closure with a written agreement documenting the end result; Counseling rarely includes a written document.

Cost: As mediation is a short-term process, it is typically much less expensive than counseling. 

Each process is valuable. People seeking help with family conflicts should chose the option that best meets their objectives.

I’m often asked where to find more information about the practice of mediation, so I’ve compiled a short list of websites I find to be the most helpful: 

My first recommendation is the website mediate.com. This well established resopurce is perhaps the most complete with everything from mediator listings to a library of articles and videos about mediation.

To see if there is a community mediation program near you, visit the “Locate a Member” page at the National Association for Community Mediation.

For accessible and useable information on all aspects of family mediation, visit the “Resources for Families” page at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

State courts offer information on state divorce law, court rules and family law forms. To find your state’s website, start at the National Center for State Courts.

For help finding a family mediator, visit the Academy of Professional Family Mediators.

For large business and legal disputes, visit JAMS, which provides retired judges and retired and practicing attorneys as mediators. Also visit the American Arbitration Association.

These days I’m also asked if one can still get trained to be a mediator during Covid-19 restrictions. I am just now completing a class for new volunteers at a community mediation center so, yes, it can be done. 

In 1975 there were about a dozen community mediation programs; today there are an estimated 450 or more mediation centers handling some half a million disputes annually. Another important service community mediation programs provide is mediation training, which is available to anyone in the community. Like their services, the classes are low or no cost. Be sure to check your state’s requirement for being a mediator. Most likely the requirements will include a 30 or 40 hour basic mediation course of training to get started. Many of the community mediation programs are now offering that training via Zoom. After you find a program, but before you start, I highly recommend becoming competent using Zoom. The Zoom Help Center is good place to start.

Because of Covid restrictions much of today’s mediations are conducted on Zoom. Mediators and disputants alike are finding it easy to use and the mediation process adapts well to the platform. Even when Covid is in our history, there will still be many mediations conducted via Zoom, as it has so many advantages with comparable success and satisfaction ratings to face-to-face mediations. 

I shared with the group completing my mediation class on Zoom that they have an advantage over people who have completed the training earlier. They not only have the training, but they also have the skills to conduct mediations remotely.