FAMILY COUNSELING OR FAMILY MEDIATION?

I’m often asked if family mediation is the same thing as family counseling. 

A Pew Research Center survey in 2010 revealed that 76% of adults in the United States agree that family is the “single most important element in their lives.” It should be no surprise, then, that everyone at some time or another experiences conflict with family members.

The U.S. Census Bureau uses the definition of family as two or more people living together related by birth, marriage or adoption. A more useful definition of family may be from a 1981 White House Conference on Aging—"system of related and unrelated individuals integrated by pattern of social relationship and mutual help.” The communication scholars Dawn Braithwaite and Rebecca DiVerniero use the term “intentional family” to describe individuals who are unrelated biologically or legally, but who share a commitment to each other, live together and consider themselves to be a family.

Because family relationships are so important to us, the conflicts there can be most intense. When we have little investment in a relationship, it is easy to avoid conflicts. We can avoid the other person or avoid dealing with the issue. It is when the relationship is important to us that we feel we should confront issues. In fact, it is recognized that the more intimate the relationship, the more intense the conflict.

So, when people seek help with conflicts in their family, do they go to family counselors or family mediators? Mediation and counseling may “look” the same—two people meeting in a private room with a trained professional, however they are actually quite different. Counseling is focused on the relationship; mediation is focused on resolving a particular conflict or disagreement.

Because of these different objectives, mediation and counseling differ in these ways:

Process: While mediation styles do differ, generally, mediation takes the parties through steps to guide the them to a resolution; Counseling may be unstructured and can take much longer.

Resolution: Mediation works toward closure with a written agreement documenting the end result; Counseling rarely includes a written document.

Cost: As mediation is a short-term process, it is typically much less expensive than counseling. 

Each process is valuable. People seeking help with family conflicts should chose the option that best meets their objectives.