Over the years it has been my privilege to instruct hundreds of people on mediation skills. This past week I started yet another class.  I’m always interested in why people enroll in a class to learn how to be a mediator. At the beginning of the first session I ask participants what their objectives for the class are. Rarely does anyone say that their objective is to become a mediator for pay.

Instead, the commonly expressed objectives are:

--From law school students and attorneys: To learn more about alternatives to litigation.

--From working professionals: To explore ways to utilize mediation in their profession. (For example, in a recent class, a contingent from a social service unit were there to explore ways of using mediation with parents in child support disputes.)

--From managers and administrators: To learn mediation skills they could utilize at work.

--From retired and those desiring to find volunteer activities: To serve their communities by being available to help resolve disputes.

Overall, though, from whatever sector the participants represented, their major goal was to learn mediation skills to better help people in their organizations and communities deal with disputes.

Months and years after completing the class I often hear back from people who completed the course and two clear trends stand out:

--Those who followed through to become a mediator most often say they found being one personally rewarding far beyond their expectations.

--Almost all commented on how they began to utilize mediation skills in their own lives.

I’ve never had anyone say the class had been a waste of time. One person did tell me how much he had enjoyed the class, but had learned he would never be a mediator. When I asked why he said he learned that he just couldn’t stop telling people what to do—and he didn’t intend to!

I view learning mediation skills similar to learning CPR. We all benefit by having CPR-trained individuals in our families and organizations. Likewise we can all benefit by having individuals trained in mediation skills in our families and organizations.

With this in mind, I encourage everyone to consider the training.

Recently “Good Morning Arizona” (KPHO) aired an interview with Mara Linder on divorce mediation. In an accompanying article she compared the cost of using the courts for a divorce versus using mediation. As she described it, using the courts for a divorce in Arizona can involve motions, hearings, conferences, testimony and appearances before a judge; take one to two years and can cost $30,000 to $50,000 in legal fees and court costs. And as she says, the process tends to put even more strain on the relationship and increase the conflict.

 Ms. Linder said that divorce using mediation in Arizona has minimal involvement with the court — no hearings, no motions, no witnesses and no trial. The typical time frame is three to five months and the costs can range from $2,900 to $3,900. And as true for other kinds of mediation, in divorce mediation the parties address issues important to them and create their own arrangements. The parties are likely to find the process productive and enable them to part ways on more respectful terms. This is especially important when children are involved and co-parenting relationships need to be established.

The issues that are addressed include division of assets and liabilities, child custody and visitation, child support, animal companions plus other financial considerations such as retirement accounts and taxes.

Mediation isn’t for all couples. In situations involving physical or emotional abuse, substance abuse, and where one party holds significant power over the other party, mediation is not appropriate. I have had one acquaintance going into divorce mediation ask me how he can come out ahead in the mediation. I had to suggest to him that he may not have been ready for mediation. Divorce mediation is not another venue to continue to fight, but safe venue to come together to meet, confer and reach agreements.

It’s important to remember that mediation is voluntary—that is the parties truly desire to work together for their outcome. And to remember that the mediator is neutral and doesn’t advocate or advise either party. The mediator helps open communication between the parties so that their problem solving is more likely to be effective. And that mediation is confidential, which is important to many couples.

 But when the parties can honor the relationship that they once had and can be open and honest, in mediation they can reach agreements that work for both of them.

The “Good Morning Arizona” host was most impressed with one fact: He made it clear what caught his attention was the cost. Yes, mediation is a less expensive alternative, but in the minds of many people in dispute resolution, including me, mediation is a better option for the parties and for the children.