Calling It Quits

Recently “Good Morning Arizona” (KPHO) aired an interview with Mara Linder on divorce mediation. In an accompanying article she compared the cost of using the courts for a divorce versus using mediation. As she described it, using the courts for a divorce in Arizona can involve motions, hearings, conferences, testimony and appearances before a judge; take one to two years and can cost $30,000 to $50,000 in legal fees and court costs. And as she says, the process tends to put even more strain on the relationship and increase the conflict.

 Ms. Linder said that divorce using mediation in Arizona has minimal involvement with the court — no hearings, no motions, no witnesses and no trial. The typical time frame is three to five months and the costs can range from $2,900 to $3,900. And as true for other kinds of mediation, in divorce mediation the parties address issues important to them and create their own arrangements. The parties are likely to find the process productive and enable them to part ways on more respectful terms. This is especially important when children are involved and co-parenting relationships need to be established.

The issues that are addressed include division of assets and liabilities, child custody and visitation, child support, animal companions plus other financial considerations such as retirement accounts and taxes.

Mediation isn’t for all couples. In situations involving physical or emotional abuse, substance abuse, and where one party holds significant power over the other party, mediation is not appropriate. I have had one acquaintance going into divorce mediation ask me how he can come out ahead in the mediation. I had to suggest to him that he may not have been ready for mediation. Divorce mediation is not another venue to continue to fight, but safe venue to come together to meet, confer and reach agreements.

It’s important to remember that mediation is voluntary—that is the parties truly desire to work together for their outcome. And to remember that the mediator is neutral and doesn’t advocate or advise either party. The mediator helps open communication between the parties so that their problem solving is more likely to be effective. And that mediation is confidential, which is important to many couples.

 But when the parties can honor the relationship that they once had and can be open and honest, in mediation they can reach agreements that work for both of them.

The “Good Morning Arizona” host was most impressed with one fact: He made it clear what caught his attention was the cost. Yes, mediation is a less expensive alternative, but in the minds of many people in dispute resolution, including me, mediation is a better option for the parties and for the children.