THE SECRET TO SUCCESSFUL DISPUTE RESOLUTION

Most people believe successful dispute resolution requires substantiation or proving their claim with evidence and aggressive argumentation. Inherent in this approach is a “win-lose” assumption that dispute resolution comes from the exercise of real or assumed power and that any compromise is a loss.

Mediators know that a secret to successful dispute resolution is simply asking questions. Questions can not only reveal the respondent’s motivations, but actually act to encourage them to reconsider their own demands.

Some questions mediators ask that can be useful in any dispute are:

How did you arrive at that demand? Asked in a non-confrontational manner, this asks the respondent to share information. For example, a person demanding $25,000 for damages, when asked, may reveal that number is their best estimate, rather than actual estimates from contractors.

What is your objective or what are you trying to accomplish? Remember that demands, however strongly argued, are often just one way to solve the problem. When the objective is revealed, the door can be opened to alternative solutions. Mediators will tell you when asked this questionit’s not unusual to hear, “what I really want is an apology.”

If you were in the other person’s position, how would you see this? Often in conflict parties don’t recognize that the other party may have legitimate concerns. When those issues are recognized the doors to resolution can begin to be opened.

To advance dispute resolution the questioning must not be interrogation or obvious attempts to “win.” Questions that advance dispute resolution must be perceived as genuine attempts to learn more from the respondent.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available now at Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.