How Best to Deal with "Difficult" People

Many professions have attempted to provide advice on how best to deal with “difficult people,” which often includes staying calm, controling emotions, taking time to listen, and attempting to find common ground.

These suggestions might work for some, but others require additional approaches to reach resolution. When asked for advice by an overwhelmed party, I do offer two alternative recommendations. Both are based on common cultural values faced with confrontation and the desire to reach resolution as quickly as possible:

First: I suggest stepping back and reevaluating what it is they really want to accomplish. Then I urge them to reconsider how they can meet that goal by simply asking, “is there a way around the difficult person to achieve what you really want and be strategic, rather than confrontational?”

Second: I questions why the issue must be resolved immediately. I pose this because change is inevitable and what seems intolerable at the moment can become less so as situations evolve.

Basically, these suggestions are to focus on what can and cannot be controlled. Of course, the two I’ve proposed are just another approach and might not alter the exchange with a difficult party, but it’s worth the effort to avoid direct, hostile confrontation.