DO WE HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER TO SETTLE?

I recently received a reader’s comment who raised an interesting concern. They noted much is written about mediation stressing that parties reach reconciliation and pressures them to “get along,” suggesting people have to like one another in order to reach an agreement. And if an agreement is reached, is there then a perception behaviors and values they differed with are now accepted.

Mediation does not assume or require parties abandon their beliefs or endorse those of others. Assume, for example, a dispute between a parent and a school district over banning books in the library. The parties can hold significantly different positions but through mediation reach a mutually acceptable solution.

The first step is to treat each with politeness and courtesy. The second critical step is to develop and express a non-judgmental respect for their differences. For example, one party may come to understand the school administrators are motivated by artistic freedom and free speech. The parents may be motivated by parental rights and religious beliefs.

What makes mediation difficult or impossible is if either party is unwilling to find common ground while respecting their differences. Acknowledging legitimate points the other party presents, does not mean acceptance, but simply mutual respect and courtesy to find peaceful resolution.