When Is a Mediator Not a Mediator?

I have the acquaintance of two vice presidents of a large nonprofit. Both are very talented and dedicated people that work very hard to advance the goals of their company. Let’s call them “Tess” and “Jacob.” Jacob was the more senior of the two.

A couple of years ago the working relationship between Tess and Jacob became strained. Both felt the other was hindering their success. In several private meetings their discourse became heated. Ironically they liked and respected each other, but simply were having a difficult time working together cooperatively.

They could agree on some things. They both agreed that for the best interests of their organization they had to develop a productive working relationship; they agreed they've been unable to work out their differences on their own; and agreed that a mediator might be able to help them work out their issues.

They agreed to have private meeting with Francisco, their director of human resources. Francisco suggested a neutral, off-site meeting location for privacy. As Tess and Jacob later told me everyone arrived with great hopes to work out their issues and move forward.

The “mediation” lasted all of thirty minutes when Tess got up and left. Francisco’s approach was to determine why Tess was “causing problems.”

Francisco lost the opportunity to help the disputing parties work out their issues by focusing on why one of the parties was causing all the problems. Francisco was in no way a neutral third party.

Mediators do not represent the interests of either party or as an advocate for either side. It has long been acknowledged that a mediator must be impartial and not display any favoritism. Because Francisco was not impartial, the mediation was not successful.

In this case, Tess soon accepted a position with another nonprofit. Ironically, Tess and Jacob maintain a professional friendship, but the organization suffered. It took many long months to find a replacement for Tess and, unfortunately, he simply “didn’t work out” and was terminated, which only lead to another long talent search.

I believe anyone can use mediation skills in their personal and professional lives, but acting as a mediator requires more. It requires training and application of the theory, practice and ethics of mediation. In other words, seek out the professionals.