ADVICE FOR FIRST-TIME MEDIATION PARTICIPANTS

I’m often asked what to tell someone going into mediation for the first time.

Many people have no real understanding, nor experience with mediation. For example, a former student surveyed people in grocery store lines by asking them if they were familiar with mediation. More than one responded with something like “it’s when you close your eyes and try to clear your mind.” Needless to say, mediation is not meditation.

I try to provide five simple and direct directions:

First: Mediation is not about proving you’re right and the other party is wrong. It is important to bring any supporting documents, especially since the mediator may ask you to share documents with each other. But mediation is not a court. There is not someone there who will listen to arguments and render a decision.

Second: While mediation is not about the past, it is about the future. People usually come to mediation with their mind made up with the one and only solution they will accept. Instead, come to mediation with some ideas for other possible solutions.

Third: Listen carefully to what the mediator says about the process, particularly about confidentiality.

Fourth: Listen carefully to the other party and don’t focus on their demands and arguments. Try to listen for what might be motivating their position.

Fifth: Remember, mediation must be voluntary. No one can force you to accept an agreement. If you feel a solution is unacceptable, you have the right to tell the mediator to address the situation or stop the process.