ON VIOLENCE AND CONFLICT

Conflict and violence don’t always go together.

Most interpersonal disagreemts don’t resort to violence, however, we do have some indications as to which types often do.

It has long been known our most intense conflicts are with those who are the most important to us, so it should be no surprise conflicts in couple and family relationships can resort to violent confrontation. Law enforcement records clearly show the person most likely to do harm to you is someone you already know.

But what about violence in conflicts with people with whom we do not have an intimate relationship or with whom we have no relationship at all. In my experience the factor that explains the violence is identity, especially when challenged. Someone whose self identity is largely limited to one trait can over react when that identity is in question. For example, someone who considers themselves as the best rose gardener can over react if her roses are destroyed by a random vandal.

In politics there can be a decided difference between an individual who identifies solely as a Democrat from someone who simply tends to vote Democratic. When the identity of the first is challenged and they don’t have other important attributes, such as husband, church member, or community involvement, that threat to identity can be so overwhelming, violence is more likely when challenged during conflict.