WHEN IS AN AGREEMENT POSSIBLE?

Whether it is a family, neighbor-to-neighbor, or international dispute, certain conditions for a peace agreement are necessary, such as the following:

1.) All parties of the dispute must be involved. The greatest risk for peace comes from those who feel they were left out of discussions and become spoilers, undermining any agreement.

2.) All parties must be committed to not engaging in any aggressive force, to negotiating in good faith, and to take as much time as necessary to reach a resolution.

3.) Parties must understand and acknowledge each other’s issues and concerns.

4.) The underlying causes of the conflict must be addressed to avoid future arguments.

5.) The parties must be able to identify and built creative outcomes.

6.) The final written agreement must address all the issues in detail. All too often I see parties reach a verbal agreement, but later discover they each had different understandings of what that agreement actually entailed.

7. ) Finally, no agreement is possible until all parties conclude unconditional “winning” is not possible and that continued deadlock is “painful.” Mediators refer to this as “ripeness,” but if parties don’t take advantage of the moment, conflict can escalate to nonproductive behaviors.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.