ENGAGING THOSE WE DISAGREE WITH

In 2000, Robert Putnam’s book “Bowling Alone” revealed Americans were less involved in civic and social groups, resulting in a decline in the “social capital” of relationships.

Perhaps more revealing was a Pew Research Center survey released this past February stating 56% of us have stopped talking with someone about political news, compared to 45% in 2024. Liberal, educated, and higher income people are more ikely to say they avoid talking with others about news, if it means risking making relationships uncomfortable.

Mediators know healthy relationships require honest exchanges and avoiding interaction not only weakens interpersonal relationships, but as Putnam would argue, also larger social relationships.

So, how do mediators facilitate talking about tense issues in conflict situations? First comes listening to understand the other’s position and values without making any assumptions. Secondly, mediators don’t immediately engage in argumentation to change a person’s position. Rather, they engage in a discussion to identify shared values.

Communication professor and environmentalist Sally Gearhart and her transformation from confrontation with loggers to finding the “joining point” where they can communicate with shared struggles, serves as an excellent example of how this approach is applied. As she wrote, it’s possible to have a position without creating enemies.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available now at Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.