CAN WE DISAGREE, YET SHARE LAUGHTER?

Psychologists use the term “homophily” to refer to people preferring other people with whom they share a characteristic. That recognition of sharing contributes to improved communication though psychologists typically use the term to refer to shared age, gender, class and other similar identifiers.

When we are in conflict, we tend to see all the ways that the other people are different from us and forget that much is, in fact, shared. In conflict situations, something as simple as a shared laugh helps parties recognize that they do and can share something. And from that, communication can be improved.

When the advertising slogan “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” was popular, some mediators began to say, “What happens in mediation, stays in mediation.” I’ve seen otherwise tense and hostile parties smile and laugh from upon hearing that one little bit of humor, which turns an otherwise tense situation into one in which the parties are better able to communicate.

During one session, an experienced mediator broke the point of her pencil and spontaneously said, “That can happen when you get too wrapped up in things.” Breaking her pencil point and that sentence aren’t necesarily amusing, but everyone in the room shared the moment, resulting in laughter by all present.

A well-educated mediator used to find ways to use “sayings” from his fictious “country lawyer uncle” in his summaries of what was said. He might say, “As my country lawyer uncle would say, you saw that offer as about as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” The people smiled, laughed, and in their shared laughter, saw themselves as having something in common.

President Kennedy was known for his creative use of humor. He sometimes gave gifts of silver mugs with this engraving:

There are three things which are real:

God, human folly, and laughter.

The first two are beyond our comprehension:

So we must do what we can with the third.

We could do worse then to find ways to bring appropriate shared laughter in conflict situations.