PRENUPS: ATTORNEY OR MEDIATOR?

Some couples are reluctant to enter into a prenup agreement simply because of the cost to hire an attorney.

Traditionally, prenups protect premarital assets, safeguard against partner debts, and simplify separation. Today’s prenups, however, are entered into less due to anticipation of separation, but more like business and estate planning.

Prenup Mediation is a less stressful alternative to typical prenuptial agreements. Instead of meeting with opposing attorneys in a confrontational negotiation, in Prenup Mediation couples with a single mediator to establish their mutual expectations for the outcome.

Usually in Prenup Mediation the parties disclose all assets and debts. The mediator then facilitates a discussion of topics of concern to either or both parties. Parties may bring up issues that would not necessarily be considered in an attorney-led negotiation, including how to deal with mutual friends and extended families, workplace issues, social media issues, child rearing, custody of pets, and anything of concern to either partIcipants.

From there they develop a memorandum of understanding. Couples may then have an attorney draft the final agreement. Individuals should have their own attorneys review the any documents. In some circumstances, some states may require review by the parties’ attorneys.

The advantages of Prenup Mediation is that the process itself focuses on cooperation and shared goals, rather than adversarial relationships. And most importantly, rather than a standard “cookie-cutter” legal template, couples develop their own unique agreement that truly addresses any issues of importance to them. Plus, It’s significantly less expensive.

Because of the cooperative approach of Prenup Mediation, it is not appropriate if one party is hiding assets or debts or if there is a significant power imbalance between the parties, such as when one party is acting out of fear of some sort of retribution, if there is no agreement.

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Fred Jandt is the author of several books, including his latest, “How To Survive a Mediation.”

Peter Costanzo
NOTABLE MEDIATORS: PEER MEDIATORS IN SCHOOLS

Programs to teach students peaceful problem-solving to resolve conflicts were developed in the mid-1960s and early 1970s. Some of these programs advocated teaching every student to better manage conflicts; others emphasized training a small cadre of students to serve as mediators. By the early 1980s, the student cadre programs began to be called Peer Mediation.

Peer Mediation varies widely from school to school. In most, mediation is an alternative to formal disciplinary measures for low-level disruptive behavior.

Peer Mediation has been used for a wide range of conflicts in schools, including minor physical aggression (hitting, kicking, scratching, and pushing), verbal aggression (teasing, name-calling, insults, and threats), rumors and gossip, and minor property damage or loss. The majority of student conflicts are a result of gossiping (“she said and you said”), name-calling, boy/girlfriend issues, and other minor misunderstandings.

If written resolutions are a measure of effectiveness, studies show rates varying from 60% to 90%. However, even if the mediation did not result in a written agreement, the process itself gave the students an opportunity to express themselves and be heard in a calm, safe, and non-threatening environment. As a result, recent studies have documented reduced teacher and administrator time spent on discipline, violence and crime, less suspensions, and increased self-esteem and academic achievement.

I strongly recommend participation in these programs. Peer mediators and the students involved not only resolve the immediate conflict, but learn dispute resolution skills that carry over into family and adult life.

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Fred Jandt is the author of several books, including his latest, “How To Survive a Mediation.”

Peter Costanzo