Conflict may not stop after separation and if there are children involved, that is a problem.

As mediator Wendy Morgan has written “Children don’t suffer primarily from their parents separating. They suffer from conflict between their parents.” And a decade of research by Dr. Joan B. Kelly showed that ongoing parental conflict after separation produces elevated rates of anxiety, depression, academic difficulty, and behavioral problems in children.

The parents could resort to custody litigation, which can take a year or more, cost $20,000 to $50,000, is not confidential, and is limited to legal remedies.

Practices vary state by state. Parents might be able to return to court offered mediation, but all parents can utilize a private family mediator. Such a mediator can help parents deal with their issues based on shared goals that their child feels loved by both parents and free from open hostility.

As with other forms of mediation, the process can be completed in a matter of weeks, cost a fraction of litigation, be confidential, and result in creative agreements tailored to the needs of the children and the parents.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.

While we recognize the benefits conflicts can have in bringing about change, prolonged interpersonal conflicts can actually negatively affect one’s health.

A number of studies have shown during disagreements a rise in heart rate, systolic and diastolic blood pressure, as well as cardiac output. Additionally, epinephrine, norepinephrine, adrenocorticotropic, and growth hormones increase dramatically. There can also be significant changes in the numbers of several specific types of immune cells. One interesting study even demonstrated that during conflicts our bodies have a difficult time controlling latent viruses.

In addition to these physiological changes, studies have shown that wounds heal significantly slower during conflicts and asthmatic individuals experience decreased pulmonary functioning.

Conflict can also magnify various pain levels. Individuals with chronic back pain reported feeling debilitating discomfort during conflict. So, yes, an ongoing clashes can give you a pain in the back.

This isn’t a reason to avoid disagreements. Instead, it should be motivation to deal with the dispute productively with mediation.

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Fred Jandt is the author of “How to Survive a Mediation,” available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold.