Every relationship will experience conflict.

If the parties want help in dealing with their dispute, and desire to repair their relationship, they might consider counseling or mediation.

Couple counseling or couple therapy employs psychotherapy to help with relationship dysfunction and establish new behavior patterns to improve their daily lives. Therapy is an extended process that tends to go into the history of the relationship.

In contrast, mediation helps couples deal with specific issues. In one or a few sessions, relationship mediation helps the parties define problems, discuss workable options, and make decisions about the future, which may be separation, divorce, or may be a revision and renewal of their relationship. Mediators do not focus on the past, but focus on the future.

Mediators who specialize in relationship mediation will most likely identify themselves as Marital Mediators. Others who do relationship mediation may identify themselves as Family Mediators. Relationship Mediators are not judges or arbitrators who will impose a decision on the parties. They are trained to be impartial and non-confrontational, to build trust, and to maintain confidentiality.

Typically, one party takes the initiative to suggest mediation and its advantages. Once contacted, the mediator will first speak with both parties to determine their willingness to participate. No party can be forced to do so.

Fred’s most recent book, “How to Survive a Mediation,” is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and wherever books are sold.

Making a deal refers to transactional relationships, which can resemble shallow business quid pro quo relationships without regard for long-term ones.

There is an example in international relations that highlights the difference.

Cambodia and Thailand share more than 500 miles of land border established by a 1907 map drawn under French colonial rule. Thailand has long argued the map is inaccurate. Disputes have arisen over temples that both countries claim as part of their national heritage. Military confrontations have erupted in several border areas.

In July 2025, President Trump entered into the dispute. He made the ceasefire a pre-condition to their respective trade talks with Washington, DC. Both countries agreed to an immediate and unconditional ceasefire and removing heavy weapons and landmines from the border. As a transactional deal with no regard for relationship building, major hostilities broke out within a month as both countries accused the other of breaking the agreement.

In contrast, China’s Foreign Minister hosted mediation between the two countries at Fuxian Lake in Southern Yunnan province. The mediation has resulted in a lasting ceasefire and rebuilding of mutual trust. The mediation allowed parties to engage in meaningful exchanges with an intent to heal wounds and remove barriers to secure reconciliation.

Along with the mediation, China pledged to monitor the ceasefire and provide demining assistance and humanitarian aid. Both Cambodian and Thai diplomats have expressed gratitude for China’s help in bringing peace to the region.

China’s role as mediator with Cambodia and Thailand hasn’t been widely reported in U.S. media. Nonetheless, it demonstrates the advantages of relationship building.

Additional information can be found here.

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Fred Jandt is the author of the new book How to Survive a Mediation available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.