The Toledo, Ohio, municipal code prohibits any unnecessary, excessive, or offensive noise, including musical instruments, particularly between 9pm and 7am.

Before buying his drums, Patrick Chaney visited all of his immediate neighbors and got their assurances that his playing the drums would not upset them. Chaney has been playing his drums during the day, but had more than a dozen police visits evidently due to complaints from a neighbor located behind his garage.

Chaney was arrested and charged with a fourth-degree misdemeanor for disorderly conduct. He also faces two minor misdemeanors for excessive and unnecessary noise and playing an instrument disturbing to his neighbors. He entered pleas of not guilty and the case is pending.

In this example of neighbor to neighbor dispute, consider the public costs: 12 or more police visits, court filings, and attorneys. My guess, so far it’s somewhere between $5,000 to $10,000. Compare that to the cost of community mediation service, which is typically free or modest.

Fortunately, the assigned judge has referred the case to mediation, but the parties involved could have sought mediation at the first drum roll.

Mediators have long stressed the critical importance of empathy during dispute resolution.

The word “empathy” became known after the German psychologist Titchener used it in 1909 to refer to an appreciation of another person’s feelings. Today we also use the word to mean understanding of another person’s perceptions and thoughts from their frame of reference, rather than from one’s own. Empathy is simply necessary to understand and appreciate other perspectives.

Even as children we express empathy, such as comforting a crying baby. One interesting study of empathy among adults relates to perceived status or power. Research by neuroscientists Jeremy Hogeveen and his colleagues in 2014 demonstrated that individuals feeling powerless have more empathy than those feeling powerful. Believing one has power diminishes all varieties of empathy.

Two recent books have advanced the idea of toxic empathy. According to these authors empathy leads us to accept and affirm behaviors, such as abortion, LGBTQ+ rights, and illegal immigration, which they consider destructive. Their political argument is that advancing empathy convinces people progressive ideas are the only ideas of kindness and morality. One advocate of this position even said on a podcast “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.”

When one has power and believes they are right, there’s no desire to understand others’ perceptions and feelings. And that may serve as a dire warning of irreversible social divide and social conflict.