I sometimes receive calls from people who are about to participate in mediation for suggestions as to how they should prepare beforehand. As a result, I’ve developed a checklist of the following ten tips: 

1.) First and foremost, unless the mediator gives you concerns of prejudice or impartiality, trust your them. They’re not emotionally involved in the conflict and only want to help find an agreement that works for you.

2.) If there are legal or financial issues this would be a good time to chat with your attorney or financial advisor, if you haven’t already done so.

3.) Always, always “keep your cool.” Even if the other party becomes emotional or aggressive, let the mediator deal with it. You need to retain a clear mind.

4.) If there are relevant documents or photographs, make copies for the other party and the mediator. Such documents should be shared with the other party before the mediation.

5.) Be sure you have a clear understanding with the other party as to confidentiality of statements and documents or any notes taken during the mediation.

6.) The mediator may suggest ground rules, such as no interruptions. If they don’t, but you feel ground rules are necessary, discuss that with the mediator.

7.) You don’t want to feel pressured by a deadline while at a session, so clear your schedule for the day.

8.) The mediator may ask you a question like “What would you like to accomplish in the mediation?” Be honest with yourself. Do you really want an apology? Do you want a financial settlement? Do you want to repair the relationship? Go into a mediation with a clear objective.

9.) Think creatively. Negotiation in mediation can be more than compromise, it can be mutual problem solving to find an agreement that meets both parties needs and interests.

10.) Finally, be gracious.

Many federal government agencies have adopted mediation, including the IRS.

A recent IRS press release announced they are seeking public input on its current alternative dispute resolution programs. According to the release, the IRS is open to suggestions on how to better use dispute resolution techniques in dealings with tax payers.

Currently, two of the agency’s programs employ mediation. Fast Tract Mediation uses an independent approach to help taxpayers and the IRS reach agreement in examination disputes once examiners have completed their work and issues remain unresolved. The IRS describes this process as an “appeals mediator [who] will facilitate settlement discussions and may offer settlement proposals.” However, as in most other forms of mediation, the process is voluntary and if no agreement is reached, the taxpayer may still request a conference or appeal.

A second program, Post-Appeals Mediation, is available to deal with disputes while a case is still under appeal. In this IRS Office of Appeals program the mediator works with the taxpayer and Settlement Officer to reach an agreement. The IRS describes the mediator as “independent of the Appeals Officer” and the taxpayer they are assigned to. Their website sites high ratings for this program. As with other forms of mediation the process is voluntary and the mediator cannot impose an agreement.

To determine if a dispute is appropriate for these programs, consult the IRS website at https://www.irs.gov/appeals/fast-track and https://www.irs.gov/appeals/post-appeals-mediation.