I was recently teaching a new course for volunteer mediators and asked the class what they thought might be the most difficult thing to learn about mediation. Their answers suggested what non-mediators usually consider reoccurring challenges.

For example, a frequent response was how best to “deal with emotions.” When pressed for more details, most said they expected participants in mediation to be emotional and were concerned they’d be unprepared to sufficiently address those feelings.

The second most frequent response dealt with staying neutral. Many were concerned about avoiding taking sides and how to appear, and in fact be, neutral. Others worried about being too transparent and unable to hide their reactions to the conflicts being discussed .

And lastly, those with some knowledge of mediation, worried about having to be the decision-maker and being unable to effectlively tell participants what to do.

These concerns are all legitimate, but mediation training programs address them all. Mediation is at the heart a skill that can be learned, and when developed, can be applied to both formal mediation and informal dispute resolutions.

Recently, I advanced the concept of Preventive Mediation, that is, a form of mediation dealing with the “what if’s” that might occur, providing parties the opportunity to deal with issues thoughtfully before becoming stressed and emotionally involved in an actual conflict.

Three more examples many of us will face are long term care, life estate planning, and business succession. In my opinion, each would be easier to address in the future by applying Preventive Mediation beforehand.

1.) Long Term Care: In general, elder mediation is a voluntary process in which a mediator works with parties to discuss potential disputes involving older adults, their family members, or others they know with age related issues. Unfortunately, most put off dealing with the needs of elderly family members until there is a crisis, such as a major illness or ones inability to handle finances. When such moments occur, familes may find themselves in unpleasant conversations at a time when they need to be a functioning unit. With Preventive Mediation, everyone involved can work with a professional to discuss situations that might arrise, such as, “if one becomes unable to drive, what do we do?,” or “if paying bills becomes a challenge, how should that be handled?,” and “If long term care becomes necessary, what could we all agree on?” In these sessions, the elder family member participates and feels part of the process that might directly effect them. And since there is no urgent rush, decisions can be made with less pressure for an immediate decision.

2.) Estate Planning: Unfortunately, some discover that a family member’s estate planning is out-of-date or was never done. In other situations, a family member may have made plans without ever sharing information with effected relatives. All too often these situations result in conflict and sometimes litigation. Preventive Mediation provides the opportunity to know about such important plans in advance.

3.) Business Succession: Many families operate companies ranging from major businesses to weekend projects to earn extra money. Unfortunately, most families neglect to consider what would happen if there are changes, such as divorces, marriages, and major medical issues. Without pre-planning, these situations can threaten the business and strain relations within the family. Preventive Mediation offers the opportunity to deal with these “what if’s” without destoying the foundation of the business everyone worked so hard to build.

No one knows the future, but Preventive Mediation can greatly reduce the various challenges many of us will face if the milestones of our lives are ignored until the final hour.