I once received a call from a property owner who was in the process of evicting a tenant. The renter proposed mediation to resolve their dispute, but the owner asked why would a landlord who follows the law want to mediate since the outcome is set?

Most tenants are decent people, but occasionally things can go wrong—really wrong. One landlord had rented a house to a couple who became months behind in their rent. He received numerous complaints from neighboring units about noise and cleanliness. Having years of experience, he knew all the laws and regulations that apply to eviction and followed them precisely. When the landlord got the property back he found light fixtures were removed, graffiti was on the walls, and cement was poured down the toilets. The tenants were long gone and couldn’t be located. That’s one case where mediation probably could have prevented such a drastic situation and lead to a different outcome.

Occassionally renters facing eviction reach out for mediation but often without understanding what it can actually do for them. And landlords who know and follow laws and regulations believe mediation only benefits tenants. However, about half of landlord-tenant disputes end with an agreed upon move-out date. Those agreements save dollars for the landlords and give the tenant a positive rental history.

Mediators with experience in such sessions report that in most cases the parties don’t dispute the facts and appreciate the opportunity to have a non-confrontational discussion.

The message for other types of disputes is that even when you believe you are going to win, mediation can save you time and money while offering some benefits to the other party as well.

The end of the calendar year is an appropriate time to evaluate our beliefs and practices. It’s also an opportunity to consider our strained relationships and to utilize the skills of mediation to repair them.

One ancient practice illustrates the heart of mediation that is suitable to that effort. Several South Pacific islands including Hawaii, Samoa, and Tahiti have forgiveness practices. In Hawaii, the traditional ritual of restoration of good relationships among family members is known as ho’oponopono (not be confused with a New Age practice by the same name).

Traditionally, ho’oponopono was a family conference led by a respected senior member to restore harmonious relationships through a process that included prayer, a statement of the program, discussion, confession of responsibility or wrongdoing, determination of restitution when necessary, mutual forgiveness, and a formal release of the problem before a closing prayer and a shared meal. In the process, those involved reaffirm the spiritual and emotional ties of the family.

Conflict is perceived as an entanglement or blocked pathway in one’s system of obligations. A key to ho’oponopono is the recognition of the reciprocity of mutual duties everyone in the family have. Members are expected to cooperatively work through problems. Periods of silence are taken to reflect on the complexity of emotions and challenges.

Mediation skills that help restore our damaged relationships is certainly a positive way to begin a new year.