One lesser known area of mediation is focused on elders.

It is estimated in the United States older adults will number 78 million by 2035 while those under age 18 will number 77 million. By mid-century, one-in-five residents will be 65 and older. That growing population has brought a renewed focus on elder mediation. 

In general, elder mediation is a voluntary process in which a mediator works with parties to address disputes involving older adults, family members, or others in their lives with age related issues. The overall goal is to enhance the decision-making rights of the older person and promote quality of life for all involved. 

A wide range of issues can be addressed, including turning in one’s driver’s license, living arrangements, caregiving needs, family business issues, and end-of-life decisions. 

Elder mediation does not replace legal advice. It should be complementary to the practice of elder law. Elder mediation should be used to identify and address the underlying concerns in a cooperative, non-adversarial setting. Attorneys should be consulted for legal advice and drafting of legal documents as a result of decisions made during such sessions. 

Mediators with the background and skill to conduct elder mediation will typically identify themselves as family mediators with additional training to address the aging process and family dynamics. With training in aging, elder mediators have sensitivity to the issues facing older people and have developed appropriate listening and language skills.

Family members who have used elder mediation typically report the process provided peace of mind and enhanced their lives as family relationships improved.

When asked where does one learn mediation skills, the answer is usually “Find a community center or university that offers a class.” That answer, though, really doesn’t reflect reality.

Writing to attorneys, mediator David Henry wrote that “Mediation is a dark art… Lessons learned in mediation pass only by word of mouth, and due to confidentially concerns, have to be sanitized, generalized, and abstracted… Mediation occurs in a black box where there is no public viewing.”

One way to learn from mediators is the book Stories Mediators Tell edited by Eric Galton and Lela Love, published by the American Bar Association Dispute Resolution Section. In the book, twenty-four mediators tell stories about their sessions. Some are inspirational, some tragic, some funny, and some tell of missteps the mediator made. In a sense, mediators have passed on stories of how to do mediation for centuries and the stories in this book continue that tradition.

One of stories was shared by Ben Cunningham, a mediator in Austin, Texas. A young woman on her bicycle had been killed in a tragic accident involving a truck. The mediation was with the father of the young woman, the driver of the truck, and their attorneys. Ben created an environment where he made it possible for the father to talk about his daughter and for the truck driver to express sorrow and apologize. At one point, he encouraged the attorneys to exit the room leaving the two parties alone. When they came back in the room the parties were still talking. Then the father announced that he would accept the settlement offered by the insurance company under the condition that the money be for counseling and a college fund for the driver’s daughter who had been in the truck when the accident happened.

As any mediator will tell you, such agreements are not all that unusual. How did the mediator know to encourage the parties to speak with one another alone? This approach was not learned in a class or from a book, but rather from years of discussions with other mediators.