I'M SORRY

I try to post a new piece to my Blog on Thursdays—except last week when I experienced some computer problems that prevented me from doing so. I thought about writing a short apology and while considering doing so, began thinking about how important apologies are in mediation and dispute resolution.

I can’t tell you the number of mediations I’ve conducted where in private caucus the disputant tells me what they really want out of the mediation is an apology. Sometimes they even admit to filing a complaint only in an attempt to secure one.

But apologizing often seems to be very difficult for many of us. Perhaps some will recall having a parent take their hand and leading them to a “wronged” playmate and told to say, “I’m sorry.” In such a scenario, those words were seen as accepting blame. And as adults we may have been advised by attorneys never to say “I’m sorry” after an auto accident, because saying so may be interpreted as an admission of guilt.

It helps parties in a mediation who are reluctant to apologize if they might be willing to express empathy for the other person’s misfortune without taking any responsibility for it. Most say yes and say something like “I’m sorry this incident ever happened” or “I’m sorry this incident has become between us.” Many disputes in mediation have reached resolution when parties are willing to express legitimate concern for the hardships the dispute has caused.

 We’ve become accostumed to public figures, such as politicians, celebrities and CEOs, making public apologies. Many, of course, are carefully prepared and scripted and typically have a similar structure: acknowledging the offense, an explanation, an expression of remorse and sometimes a form of reparation. The public will judge their sincerity.

 What can I say? I’m sorry and regret that I missed making last week’s posting and learned the importantance of backing up one’s work. Reset assured I will back up my work each day so I won’t miss another.