Mediation and Parent-Teen Conflicts

Parent-teen conflict starts during early adolescence, peaks at ages 14 to 16 and declines at ages 17 to 18.

Most teens are inexperienced when handling conflicts, which only compounds this period of yearning for independence. Some may act out with aggressive behavior; some experience symptoms of depression; others may attempt to isolate themselves for long periods. Some adolescents become involved in criminal offenses and the courts, or other programs, may refer the adolescent and parents to mediation. Other times, parents or the teen may seek out the help of a mediator on their own. 

Parent-teen mediation is offered by a variety of organizations, including community mediation centers, religious organizations, social service organizations, juvenile and family courts, plus programs that deal with minor juvenile criminal offenses.

Typical issues for most families are household rules, such as what the teenager is expected to do at home; navigating friendships and dating; identity issues, such as groups, appearance, and behavior; and life choices, such as leaving home, college, military, and career. And then there’s curfews.

Like other forms of mediation, parent-teen sessions provide a safe, neutral setting where family members can speak directly to one another, explore areas of disagreement, and develop solutions agreeable to all parties.

What makes parent-teen mediation different is how the engagement empowers teens and acknowledges the their need for greater autonomy in a way that is acceptable to all involved. Some programs provide an experienced adult and a trained teenager to conduct the sessions. The obvious advantage of co-mediation is how the presence of the teen who is trained can serve to allay the participating teen’s perception that the adults are “running the show.” At times the teenage mediator can act as an “interpreter” of the adolescent’s language and perspective.

Parent-teen mediation is one of the more challenging and difficult of settings. While family members or friends may offer to serve as a mediator, unless they are trained and experienced in parent-teen mediation, the outcome may actually worsen the situation.