On Confronting Rage

Recently, on Southern California's Interstate 10, a man shot at another from his car. Both drivers kept driving and the man who had been shot eventually rammed the shooter's car some 4 or 5 miles later. Both vehicles were disabled as a result. The men got out of their cars and started fighting in the middle of the interstate, which ended up being closed for hours and the two men were taken to different hospitals for treatment. Full details are not known, but one can surmise this event was an extreme example of road rage.

As a mediator I am often asked how one should handle other people's rage. I fist remind people that anger can actually be a positive emotion that serves as a motivator that influences work for positive change. On the other hand, rage is an outburst grossly out of proportion to most situations. In fact, psychologists have a term for rage --intermittent explosive disorder-- and estimate that some 7% are affected. 

Here's what I recommend if you find yourself confronted by rage:

1 - Stay safe. Trust your judgment. If you don't feel safe, disengage.

2 - Remain calm. Don't respond with anger. Attempt to de-escalate the situation by taking down the intensity in your own voice.

3 - Don't attack or blame the other person.

4 -Only if you feel engagement is possible, communicate what you think the person is angry about and ask what can be done now to resolve the situation.

Just remember, confronting the person in a rage with what they may perceive as physical confrontation, can end up putting you in the hospital.