MEDIATION WITH TEENAGERS
In broad stroke, parent-teen conflict starts in early adolescence, reaches its peak at ages 14 to 16 and declines at ages 17 to 18. Conflicts can erupt every few days over things like curfews, homework and household duties. Psychologists tell us the basis of such quarrels is the teen’s focus on the parent’s acknowledgement of the their developing capability and maturity. From this perspective, teens engage in conflict to change their relationship with their parents, to have parents see them as who they think they have become. It has been estimated, though, that in some 20 percent of families, the conflicts are intense, prolonged and unhealthy.
Parent-teen mediation specifically addresses typical problems that can develop between parents and their older children. Like other forms of mediation, parent-teen mediation provides a safe, neutral setting in which family members can speak directly with one another, explore areas of disagreement and develop solutions that all parties can agree upon. What makes parent-teen mediation different is the very engagement the mediation empowers the teen with and acknowledges the teen’s need for greater autonomy in a way that is acceptable to them and their parents.
The premise of parent-teen mediation is that it reaches agreements on the problem issues by increasing trust between the parent and child, facilitating communication, thus making negotiation on larger issues more likely. The goal is to change the family dynamics and help develop skills for productive communication within the family.
Parent-teen mediators typically identify themselves as family mediators. Family mediators can be social workers, marriage family counselors, psychologists, attorneys, clergy and other professionals. They have had specialized training in mediation and may have had additional training in children’s development stages, parenting techniques, domestic violence, substance abuse, child abuse and neglect.
Some programs provide co-mediators—an experienced adult mediator and a trained teenager. The obvious advantage of co-mediation is that the presence of the teenage mediator can serve to allay the teenage participant’s perception that the adults are “running the show.” At times the teenage mediator can act as an “interpreter” of the adolescent’s language and perspective.
Parent-teen mediation is one of the more challenging and difficult mediation settings. While family members or friends may offer to serve as a mediator, unless they are trained and experienced in parent-teen mediation, the outcome may actually worsen the situation.
Overall, the evidence suggests that the majority of parents and adolescents reported that the mediation made a positive change in their relationship and would recommend the process to others.