WE CAN’T AGREE, SO SHOULD I JUST LET IT GO?

Some parties in mediation simply can’t find a resolution.

What happens next?

First of all, recognize that mediators do not consider this development a failure. Even if the parties do not reach a formal agreement, they had an opportunity to express their positions and demands without interruption, to consider alternatives, and to consider their relationship and how they communicate with one another

There are several options to keep things moving forward:

• Give it time. Conditions and situations change, unless they need to be resolved immediately.

• The parties can attempt negotiation without a mediator.

• The parties can attempt another mediation.

• The parties can resort to formal litigation.

Finally, a more powerful alternative could be considered: Simply, “letting go.” Letting go does not mean you’re moving on, but it prevents the conflict from influencing your interactions with others. This option requires self-awareness and a commitment to yourself to act in your best interest.

Consider this historical example: In the 1950s Nelson Mandela was the youth leader of the African National Congress in segregated South Africa. Charged with sabotage, Mandela was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment. After 27 years in prison Mandela was released. He could have harbored feelings of resentment and hatred of the White population and plan retaliation. Mandela was truly able to “let go.” He befriended his White Afrikaner prison guards; he went to church with them; he forgave the White South African government for imprisoning him. In his autobiography “Long Walk to Freedom,” he wrote that if he hated them after being freed, they would still have him. He wanted to be free, so he let it go. In an astonishing moment it changed his life.

Sometimes just letting go of a conflict provides freedom and piece of mind.