MY STRANGEST MEDIATION

I was recently asked to describe my strangest mediation. Actually, there have been many. Many odd situations are dealt with using mediation to resolve them. It doesn’t matter if they appear to be strange; they were real and important to the parties involved and mediation gave them the opportunity to not only address the “strangeness,” but also the dynamic of their relationship.

I will always remember one session dealing with a temporary restraining order. A person may make such a request against another person at the same time they file for one that’s permanent. The person requesting a temporary restraining order must declare under penalty of perjury that they are in danger of irreparable harm or danger before a court hearing can be scheduled. Some civil restraining orders are referred to mediation before the court hearing to give the parties an opportunity to resolve their differences before appearing in court, avoiding a court order against the defendant.

On the evening of this mediation, I identified the plaintiff, a woman who had filed on behalf of her seventeen year-old daughter, and the defendant, an eighteen year-old young man who was accompanied by this father. The mother had filed for a restraining order against the young man to prohibit him from going near her daughter at school and her workplace, from contacting her by cell and any other form. In relating her story, the mother said that the young man presented a threat to her daughter and she wanted the court to keep them apart. In response the young man spoke about his respect for the young lady. The young man’s father spoke with pride of his son who was employed and was the first in his family to attend college.

On a break, the daughter asked him to explain what a restraining order might include. She asked if it would mean that the young man could not visit her at work, but would that include her going to where he worked. With that question I got an image of Romeo and Juliet. Did the mother really believe a court order would keep these two young lovers apart?

The cross talk after the break was heated. The mother continued to say that the young man was a threat. The father continued to speak about how honorable his son was. At one point the mother said that her daughter was not going to get pregnant like her older sister had. Obviously, we had gotten to the basis of her claim and to what she feared.

The young man then volunteered to meet with their priest, the parents of the daughter and sign a pledge to honor her under their marriage. That mention of marriage was what weakened the mother’s resolve. She agreed to drop the request for a restraining order after the meeting with their priest.

My job as mediator was done. I never knew if the mother had a genuine fear or if she was attempting to speed along a marriage. Doesn’t matter—court time was not taken up with this modern version of Romeo and Juliet had a seemingly happy ending.