Why Everyone Should Learn Mediation Skills

I am a strong advocate of everyone learning mediation skills. A person doesn’t need to become a formally trained mediator to reap ther benefits.

Recently, science-based self-help books author Amy Alkon wrote an opinion piece for The Los Angeles Times (September 21, 2018). She enrolled in the Los Angeles city attorney’s training program for volunteer mediators. She admits that her idea about mediation before taking the training program was that she would learn to become a “Sister Socrates,” making decisions for people to live by.

She quickly learned (as do most of the people in my own mediation training classes) that in mediation that’s not the case. In most forms of mediation disputing parties come up with their own solutions.

In the training program, people learn the “tools” of mediation. Alkon relates three that were particularly meaningful to her:

1) That while conflict can be toxic, it also presents the opportunity to develop more harmonious relationships

2) That mediators foster an environment where the parties can communicate

3) That mediators help participants shift from “positions” to “interests,” that is, from specific demands to underlying motivations.

Alkon then makes a statement I have heard from so many of people who have completed mediation training with me: “I’ve experienced so many benefits from using the techniques in my own life.”

She relates that at a recent reception a close friend publicly revealed the political opinions of a mutual friend. She was horrified that the opinions were revealed in such a manner and admitted that before completing the mediation training she would have judgmentally and aggressively confronted her friend for doing so. That could have affected their relationship among other possible negative outcomes. But having completed the mediation training, she realized that confronting him would’ve only led to a conflict. Alkon said she took the friend aside and said, “Hey, question for you: Do you think maybe our friend told you his views in confidence, figuring you’d keep them that way? His response? “Yeah. You’re right. Shouldn’t have done that. Thank you.”

Most people who complete mediation training with me, don’t actually go on to become full-time mediators. But most tell me they use the tools with their families and during their everyday lives. I get great satisfaction from sharing the tools that anyone can use to reduce levels of conflict.