But Who Gets the Dogs?

Years ago I received a request to mediate a dispute involving a young couple who had begun divorce proceedings and needed help dividing up their affairs. They had received advice to first work with a mediator and then have their attorney formalize their agreement.

I normally don’t do divorce mediation, but agreed to help the couple. Their property was modest, their debts large and their emotions intense. The couple wanted to spend some of their time going over what had gone wrong in their relationship. They had a heated, yet satisfying and necessary, discussion about feelings of infidelity and reckless spending. After saying to one another that each no longer wanted to be in the relationship, nor attempt to reconcile it, they were ready to move on to dividing their property and debts.

It didn’t take long to deal with equity in their home, two automobiles, various expensive recreational toys, household goods and then their credit card debt. Finally, one said to the other, “But who gets the dogs?”

In almost every state pets are considered property, but their value as property doesn’t reflect their personal value, which is often priceless and irreplaceable. In some court cases, judges have actually put the dog with both parties to see who the dog would run to. Some courts have recognized the bond between a child and a dog and have ordered that the dog follow the same custody schedule as the child or award the dog to the parent who gets the most parenting time. When there are no children, some courts have ordered one person to “buy” the dog from the other.

In what was the most lengthy part of my mediation the couple finally decided that one would get two dogs who were brother and sister and the other would get the third dog. But, interestingly, while the two really had strong negative feelings about each other, they were able to work out a visitation schedule so that all three dogs could spend time together.

That mediation showed me that even parties who have strong negative feelings towards each other can work out a solution about something they both care about deeply. In this case, their four-legged companions.