COMMON MEDIATION LISTENING MYTHS

Recently, I wrote about the myths people hold regarding conflict and the need for mediators to identify the cause in order to help disputants find resolution. Equally important are the myths people accept about listening to others during meditation sessions and the following are examples of some misconceptions that should be addressed:

FIRST: You’re either a good listener or you’re not: A person may have been born with the ability to hear, but that doesn’t mean they really listen. Listening is a skill we either have or haven’t yet learned. It involves not only hearing words, but also observing non-verbal behaviors, putting both together and then determining meaning within the context in which they were expressed.

SECOND: Intelligent people are better listeners: While possessing a large vocabulary and other learned attributes that might improve understanding, it shouldn’t automatically be assumed such acumen results in better listening habits. That said, those with high emotional intelligence, known as EQ, generally have an increased awareness of others’ feelings and tend to be very good listeners.

THIRD: During negotiations, verbal skills are more important: It’s actually the opposite. Successful negotiators are convinced their most valuable skill is the ability to decipher what matters to each party involved in order to understand their wants and needs. That only happens through active listening.

FOURTH: There’s no need to listen if determining what parties require in advance: This is perhaps the most common misconception. It’s simply wrong to believe one could accurately surmise beforehand what parties in conflict need without hearing their concerns directly. Good listening leads to understanding how each party perceives the situation, instead of imagining for them what they should want and need.

Ultimately, mediators often find the need to address whether or not disputing parties believe their position is being heard to help prepare them for a constructive negotiation.