Understanding comes from listening

Psychologists Jeremy Frimer, Linda Skitka, and Matt Motyl conducted a study in 2015, published last year in "The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology," about our willingness to listen to opposing views.

People were asked their opinion about a controversial issue, in this case, same-sex marriage. 

Those opposed to it were offered to read and answer questions about arguments that agreed with their opinion (in which case they would be entered into a drawing for $7).

If they were in favor, they were then asked to read and answer questions about arguments that disagreed with their opinion (in which case they would be entered into a drawing for $10).

About 2/3 chose to read arguments agreeing with them for a chance at less money.

Simply stated, the beneficial option to read statements against one's beliefs wasn't preferred and the study clearly pits economic self-interest .vs avoiding opposing arguments.

The researchers repeated their study with a variety of other social issues and found the same outcome -- participants were not financially motivated to hear opposing opinions.

The results suggest that during a time when free speech is being challenged on college campuses, it shouldn't come as a surprise that people are less willing to listen to others with different viewpoints.

I constantly advocate that the one skill basic to all conflict management is listening. Listening for conflict management shouldn't include the act of listening to prepare to argue back because such a choice is likely to further separation and conflict.

Listening for conflict management is listening for understanding, listening for the opposition's issues and listening for the opposition's feelings about those issues. However, listening for conflict management does not mean giving up one's own beliefs, but does mean asking for clarifications and summations of what we understood the opposition to say.

Unless we can listen to one another, we will continue to be divided.