MEDIATION AND THE HOLIDAYS

A 2020 U.S. Census Bureau report showed that in 2018 there were about 12.9 million custodial parents raising 21.9 million children under 21 years-old with one parent living elsewhere.  This means that every year millions of parents face dealing with custody and visitation rights during the holidays.

While most have firm plans or custody and visitation agreements, the holidays can always present unanticipated situations that impact expectations. Some parents may have very clear agreements that deal with unexpected events, but even then, may need to deal with the holidays on a more informal basis. In such cases, some may have predetermined access to a family mediator to help resolve the issue at hand.

Mediation skills can help parents reach an understanding that the first consideration must be the needs and interests of the child. And though the approach may be non-confrontational, they should prepare as if going to a formal mediation by being clear as to what they would like and then be honest as to why. For example, do they want the child in their home on Christmas morning because it brings back memories of their own childhood or previous traditions before the separation or divorce? And if so, is that necessarily in the best interest of the child or even the parent who made the request?

While it is easy to assume agreements over holiday plans can be solved with compromise, i.e., one parent has the morning and the other the afternoon, they should allow themselves to be creative to reach satisfactory outcomes for all. Creative agreements are possible when the parents appreaciate each other’s desires.

But when parents simply can’t reach an agreement on their own, a mediator can design a short-term session to focus on the issue, which is a better option in my opinion than allowing unresolved conflict ruin the holidays for everyone involved.