Trusting a Mediator and the Process

When parties who have been in mediation discuss their experience with me, some do say the mediation was not successful because they didn’t feel they could “trust” the mediator. When I probe to find out what they mean by that, it appears that they really couldn’t say what the mediator did or didn’t do that lead to that evaluation. Most say, “it was just a feeling they had.”

Mediators recognize that a lack of trust can affect how the parties work in a session and, consequently, work themselves to gain the participant’s trust. Mediators know that the parties must have trust in them and the mediation process itself. When the parties have trust in the mediator and in the process they are less defensive and more willing to share information and work together to reach a mutually acceptable agreement.

If the mediator’s reputation is known to the parties, there may be some degree of trust before the mediation begins. But in most cases, the parties do not have such information in advance. In these situations, it is the mediator’s behavior that either successfully builds trust or not.

In mediation training programs, most instructors place a great deal of emphasis on helping mediators develop an effective opening statement. That opener goes a long way in establishing that all important trust. In the opening statement the mediator must explain what mediation is and how the process will work; must explain impartiality, neutrality and confidentiality; must explain what a caucus is if the mediator uses them; must review any behavior guidelines, such as language use and professional behavior; must congratulate the parties for trying mediation; and must secure their commitment to participate.

Mediators will tell you their opening statement “sets the stage.” If they do this properly, participants feel more comfortable with both the process and the mediator.

From that point it’s the mediator’s behavior which continues to reinforce that trusting atmosphere. The mediator must treat all parties equally and with respect and dignity, must demonstrate they are listening, and demonstrate confidence that the parties can find a mutually agreeable solution.

Some people who have told me they didn’t trust their mediator also asked me what they should have done to address how they felt. I reminded them that mediation must be voluntary and uncoerced and that parties in mediation can exercise self-determination at any stage. That means, if you don’t have confidence or trust in your mediator, you have every right to stop the mediation. A flawed process is not in anyone’s best interest.