IT’S ALL A MATTER OF TIMING

Mediators can’t force people to reach agreements and have long recognized conflicts have an optimal time for settlement. Conflict theorists describe this as the “Stages of Conflict:”

Latent Conflict, the first stage, exists in most relationships whether referring to couples, families, organizations, or societies. One party in the relationship begins to have an awareness of some level of discomfort, but it’s not at the point of initiating any action. Latent conflict can last for years before the other party becomes aware of that one person’s uneasiness.

The Emergence Stage is when the discomfort has become strong enough that there is the first outburst of conflict.

In the Escalation Stage conflict grows in intensity as arguments and threats are voiced; additioanl issues are raised; issues become expressed in broader terms; outside people are drawn into the conflict; and all involved focus on hurting one another in some fashion.

Conflicts eventually reach a stalemate where neither party is willing to accept a loss and perceives an advantage of continuing the disagreement. It is only when parties begin to appreciate the costs as a result that mediation can be effective.

Mediation helps deescalate conflicts and facilitates parties to reach settlements. But resolution isn’t possible when one party feels discomfort or when either parties perceive some advantage, tangible or psychological.

Mediators know sessions can be successful when they hear parties say, “I just want to get this behind us.”